Posted On May 19, 2014
All right, creative people the world over – it’s time to give up. We, as a species, have reached the pinnacle of inventiveness, the utmost reaches of imagination, the zenith of ingenuity. We can go no further. Writers, artists, musicians, everyone may as well down tools; our work here is done.
I present to you the confectionery known as Sour Ears.
Gaze upon this acme of creativity and weep, creative people, knowing full well that you will never fashion anything as sublime and perfect as this.
What dizzying heights of inspiration produced such a thing? What avant garde genius dared fashion it? What outré cabal of sugar-working dreamers said, ‘Yes! Yes it is we who presume to defy convention, social mores and international dental associations!’
Imagine the cloistered meeting where the notion was first broached. Tentative it would be at first, the proposer barely able to articulate such a potent concept. Argument would ensue in tones of shock and outrage. This could possibly lead to blows and promises of revenge upon families and close associates but, slowly, a tincture of excitement would infect the meeting. Gradually, the naysayers would be won over and become the most fervent advocates of this ground-breaking, paradigm-overturning, universe-redefining advance in softy jelly chews. Later, thousands will claim to have been there and they will speak in hushed tones: ‘This day was the day everything changed.’
And those listening will nod, murmuring small noises of agreement, glad to share the moment but awed by the glory.
They would work in secret, of course, toiling for years to perfect their vision. Nothing less than utter flawlessness would do, so thousands of attempts would be discarded. Good, they would be – but they would not be good enough. They would struggle, they would labour, they would dash tears of blood from their cheeks as they strove to make the ineffable yield and become real.
And lo, this they did achieve.
Sour Ears. They are sour and they are ears. That is all ye know and all ye need know.